Ever since I can remember, my new years resolutions have been “quit smoking” and “lose weight”. I haven’t had a cigarette since November 29, 2021, and “lose weight” as an annual resolution has been outlawed (officially, look it up), so as I embarked on a year end reflection journey, I started thinking seriously about what my goals were in 2024. 2023 was an absolutely wild year - incredible, amazing, sad, joyful, treacherous, inspiring, and everything in between. I recently started working with a leadership coach (shout out Lisa Hunefeld) that has truly revolutionized the way I think about “goals”. In a recent session she asked me “what’s on the horizon?”. When I couldn’t answer in any meaningful way, she then asked “if you don’t know what’s on the horizon, what are you working so hard for every day?”.I realized that what I was working so hard for every day was the chance to put my efforts on a platter and offer them up to someone else to tell me what a good job I was doing. To my husband (”…” “Wow, great job!”), to my business partner (”…” “That’s awesome!”), to my parents (”…” “Keep up the good work!”). Reactions and responses that used to fill me up for days (a solid “I’m proud of you” from my dad used to last for weeks!) felt emptier and emptier as the years went on as I realized that I didn’t really, actually, truly care what other people thought. If I wasn’t proud of myself, if I didn’t think that I was doing an awesome job, it did little to have others tell me so.The full transition from working in early stage startups to co-founding my own business has accelerated the necessity of the transition to radical ownership. I had to take a good look at how often I was looking outside of myself. Below is a very small data sample the ways I’ve avoided taking radical ownership of my own life.Types of planners I purchased, because “if only I found the right one!”- Leuchturm 1917 Master A4+ (too big, cumbersome)
- Medium A5 (probably just right but what if it was bigger….)
- Paperback B6+ (when I’m feeling whimsical)
- Pocket A6 (ridiculous)
- Squared pages feel too technical and engineer-ey
- Ruled pages give “school notes” vibes
- Dotted pages are perfect but leave little room for error
- The times in my life when I’ve chosen “blank pages” are just absolutely chaotic.
Subcategory: planner related accoutrements- Pens, pencils, markers, colored pencils, ball point pens, felt nib pens, etc
- Washi tape, stickers, general paper related decor
- Stencils, rulers, stamps
Things I’ve subscribed to or joined in the hopes they/it would take ownership of my life:- The New York Times (the actual paper! I got the actual paper delivered! For about 2 weeks and then cancelled)
- The New Yorker (the actual magazine!)
- The Atlantic (the actual magazine!)
- Headspace (and a multitude of other mindfulness/meditation apps)
- Routinery (and a multitude of other habit tracking apps)
- Nike Run Club (and a multitude of other exercise apps)
These lists illustrate a desperate search for something outside of myself to hold my accountable. If only I had the right weekly spread I would definitely get all of my tasks done. If I write down every single book I’ve ever wanted to read then I would definitely read them all! The right app, the right soundtrack, the right time of day….it’s exhausting.An entire category that, for obvious reasons, I won’t be listing in bullet format is the people that I’ve given ownership of my life to. Clients, friends, family, acquaintances, professional connections,, my doctor, random people I’ve met once and then fixated on their opinion of me.So what is radical ownership and what does it mean to me?Radical ownership is:- Spending less time thinking about other people and more time thinking about myself
- Acknowledging and then resisting the urge to reach outside of myself for tools
- Acknowledging and them attempting to resist self justification
- Identifying the things I truly care about
- Understanding the impact I actually want to have in this world
Resisting the urge to put a neat bow on the end of this post - there is no neat bow! I’m in the messy middle of this transition, so stay tuned for updates, and reach out if any of this resonates with you and you want to talk about it! 
