The last 9 months have been a wild ride. I’ve never worked in a “typical” office (whatever that means). I spent many years in restaurants, followed by many years in early stage startups. I had a brief period of time where there was an office I was expected to show up to at a certain time, but other than that I’ve been working remotely with flexible hours. I worked in environments where we knew the goal, but there was no roadmap to get there. I thrive in a “figure it out” environment, not in the least part because of the level of autonomy it brings. Because of this, I thought, at least tactically, the transition to full time business owner would be a breeze.I was unprepared for just how untethered I would feel. I felt paralyzed on a daily basis by the paradox of choice. From 2016 to 2020, almost every weekday morning was the same - up at 5, on the bus, some kind of workout class, online and working by 8. (I loved being someone who woke up at 5 and went to workout classes at 6 - even writing this out I feel a small bit of smug satisfaction). I was an early riser! A go getter! Deeply embedded in hustle culture! Boss babe! Crumbling under the weight of capitalism! For the first few months of being my own boss, I woke up every morning and the calculations began - if I get on the 6:44 bus I can get to the gym by 7, into the office by 8:30, ready to work by 9….but, my first meeting isn’t until 10…so I can get on the 7:30 bus, gym by 8, office by 9….but, nothing is in person today so maybe I just don’t go to the office….or I could go to the office this afternoon….or I could take the day off….what if I moved that one meeting to tomorrow…..
When I finally left my last tech startup in May of 2023, I was simply exhausted. I was tired of the grind, tired of the promises of reward at some indeterminate date in the future that always seemed to get further away, tired of driving towards KPI’s for investors, tired of focusing on what people might pay more for vs what might bring more actual value to stakeholders. Tired of white lies told so often I started to wonder if they were true. The juxtaposition between the world of social impact that I was heading towards, and the world of ruthless tech startups I was drifting away from was startling. When I unhooked myself from the “business world” that I had become so accustomed to, I realized I wasn’t sure where the next hook was. It’s like that feeling when you think there’s one more step at the bottom of the staircase, but there isn’t. A brief, millisecond of falling into the abyss.
My core values are authenticity, resilience, joy and courage.
3/17/2025
